Im at strip club and am horny
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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