Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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