Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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