My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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