I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
