the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize