He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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