I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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