I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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