the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Less talking, more tequila
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
