Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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