ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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