I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We're too hungover to prance.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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