Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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