And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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