fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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