I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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