made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize