I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
