You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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