Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
