I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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