I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
