Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I deserve this hangover.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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