you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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