Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
