Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this just has baby written all over it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
