I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
