Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
