If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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