just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
