Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
