He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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