Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
