Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
