good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
