there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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