shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
