i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize