An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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