Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
