whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
