I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
