My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
