i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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