I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
