someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
high people should be assigned attendants
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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