WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
