He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
