do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
