i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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