Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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