My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
