We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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