Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
