Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
