I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
