He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
