YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
