Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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