She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
