I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
