Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
