we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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