Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize