I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You need Xanax blowdarts
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
