yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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