He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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