in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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