we have pet lesbian snakes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
