ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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