I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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