i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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