I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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