She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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