yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As shirtless as possible
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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