im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
