I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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