That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
