Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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