he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
