I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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