hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
