I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
