Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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