dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
