Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
