This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
