Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
