my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
