I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
