I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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