I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There r osticjed everywhere
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
