Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
