This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
