p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
