I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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