New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
