You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
