btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want to make out with him forever
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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