I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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